Enhancing Your Lived Reality

Enhancing Your Lived Reality

Tyto Black

Circumstances of Your Early Life

When you arrive as a small being onto this mystical planet Earth, you have no control over the circumstances of your family or environment. The experiences of your early life are at the mercy of those responsible for your care and upbringing and of the wider society around you. Everything from your belief systems to the development of your neurological pathways is impacted by what was initially imprinted onto you at the beginning of your existence (Smith, 2020). This becomes the framework of the base settings from which you perceive and experience reality and your relationships with others in particular. Unrecognized, this initial layout is what you will inevitably repeat throughout your life if and until you attain clarity regarding your personal patterns. The most crucial concept that you develop in your earliest years is your understanding of who you are and your sense of worth within yourself and in the outer world around you.

It has been observed in child psychology that you form your sense of self by the age of 5 years old (Brown, 2009). This is a very short time frame from your day of birth, and this period is often overlooked by parents and caregivers given the common social ideology surrounding very young children. More often than not, especially in western cultures, young children are somewhat seen as nonpersons. Even if you are born to a nurturing family, the thoughts, feelings, desires, and opinions of the smallest humans are commonly seen as baseless whims and not the construction of a full human being with an innate and independent personality and spirit (Hagá, 2023). In fact, people are often taken off guard to learn that the source of unease or calamity in their middle aged, and even elder, lives stem from the events of their earliest childhood. It can be overwhelming to an adult to be required to revisit the ordeals of their beginning in order to improve the conditions of their current life, especially if they harbor suppressed memories that are difficult to uncover.

Fear As a Tool Instead of An Enemy

As conscious beings, we are capable of and susceptible to the sensation of fear as with all emotions that we experience. Experiences that induce the feeling of fear can cause a cascade of nerve wracking chemicals in your body, commonly known as a fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response. This biological mechanism is a reflexive release of hormones regulated by your sympathetic nervous system that is triggered by a stress event (Chu, 2022). This event induces a cascade of hormones and neurotransmitters that assist you in becoming hyper aware and potentially escape the circumstance. While the feeling is unpleasant, this response is beneficial as a tool to inform you of and motivate you to get you out of potentially dangerous situations. It is then up to your conscious mind and state of knowledge to determine whether or not a situation is an actual danger to your health and wellbeing. Fear can become burdensome when you allow this sensation to overtake your conscious mind. Your brain and mind are powerful aspects of your being, and it is possible to train your brain to activate the fear response when you are not in any actual danger (Schaan, 2019).

Oftentimes, when the proverbial path ahead of you is obscured or unpredictable, when some degree of risk is involved, you can induce a strong emotion based on your previous experiences. This feeling can be translated in your mind as negative, a fear emotion, or positive, an excitement emotion, both of which are closely related in your mind. Excitement produces many of the same chemical responses that fear does, and in a way can be viewed as positive fear (Buckley, 2016). This experience has resulted in the phenomena of people engaging in thrill seeking activities in which they are aware that they are not in imminent danger, but intentionally provoke the fear response mechanism. When faced with any circumstance, it is ultimately your own perception that determines whether the situation is positive or negative. In this way, you can harness fear as a tool and utilize it for your personal safety or enjoyment.

Detrimental Effects of Chronic Stress

The stress response mechanisms in your brain and body were meant to be activated for short bursts before returning to their normal levels and functions (Dhabhar, 2018). Your body was not built to maintain the ongoing regulation of stress in your day to day life. It is imperative to your health that your biological system is able to sustain a state of homeostasis. Homeostasis is the internally regulated maintenance of the body to exist in a state of balance. As thermoregulating organisms, this balance includes aspects such as your internal temperature as well as your hormones and other chemicals (Chovatiya, 2014). The consistency of your internal environment can be impacted by a variety of external conditions and stimuli. External stimulation can include factors that affect either your physical or mental state. Physically, the most prominent factor is usually the temperature of the external environment as the human body generally likes to exist at 37 degrees Celsius. Mentally, the major cause of internal disruption is the continual stimulation of the stress response.

During a stress event, your adrenal glands, which are located on top of your kidneys, are stimulated to primarily release several hormones into your bloodstream. Adrenaline, or epinephrine, is a hormone that is directly associated with the potential presence of danger. Once released, you experience increased heart and respiratory rates that cause short, shallow breathing and decreased oxygen intake, which can lead to hyperventilation (Goldstein, 2010). Cortisol, a steroid hormone, contributes to many functions in every system in the body and will inhibit these systems during stress. Norepinephrine, or noradrenaline, causes a series of effects to increase awareness such a the restriction of blood vessels and the dilation of the pupils (Ranabir, 2011). Needless to say, the chronic production of these hormones into your circulatory system can potentially result in systemic breakdown or disease. Aside from psychological disorders, stress related illnesses can include but are not limited to heart disease, obesity, Cushing disease, Alzheimer’s, and gastrointestinal diseases (Chovatiya, 2014).

Cycles of Life and Love

The relationships that you are initially exposed to between and with your parents or caregivers, along with your surrounding family or community members, subconsciously creates a pattern that you are predisposed to repeating throughout your life. Being that they are the foundation of your comprehension of human relationships, even if they were harmful, this is the structure of expectations that you tend to base all of your relationships around (Xia, 2018). Your resulting love languages and attachment styles are rooted in these initial observations and interactions, even aside from romantic partnerships such as your friendships and work relationships. A highlighted principle in attachment theory, described by psychoanalyst John Bowlby, is that a young child requires a secure relationship with at least one caregiver for normal social and emotional development (Bretherton, 1992). He studied the instinctive behaviors that infants engage in to survive through the relationships with their caregivers. These observations portrayed how consistency or inconsistency in the connection between infants and caregivers affected the way that infants responded to new and unfamiliar situations.

Further concepts following attachment theory were expounded by Mary Ainsworth, a psychologist who described systems of infant attachment that influenced child social development into adulthood (Cassidy, 2013). Secure attachment results in those who are comfortable either being close with others or on their own, not harboring abandonment fears or displaying oppressive behaviors. Avoidant attachment results in those who feel the need to protect themselves in relationships and tend to create a lot of space between themselves and others. Anxious attachment results in those who tend to be overgiving and self sacrificing in relationships and display codependent behaviors. Disorganized attachment results in those who display inconsistent responses to approaching relationships and existing within them, seeming both “hot and cold” (Bartholomew, 1991). Left unexamined and lacking self awareness, unhealthy attachment will often lead to lifelong contention in the interactions of your interpersonal relationships.

Radical Acceptance of Self

One of the most profound realizations that you can ever have in life, is that the person whose opinion of you is most important is actually your own. Your family, partners, close friends, and coworkers may have a decent understanding of your personality and how you function, however no one will ever truly understand the vast and intricate depths of your being except for you. Each human is a unique individual, even if you have an identical multiple sibling, with an independently operating universe of their own (Boomsma, 2006). Any energy spent comparing yourself to others around you is an entire waste of time and thought. The truth is that you will never be exactly like anyone else on this planet, and that is exactly the way that you were meant to be. Coming into the understanding that every aspect of your mind, body, and spirit, whether you perceive these characteristics as positive or negative, are precisely what makes you an exceptional being (Hoffman, 2013). It is dismally common for people to not like the sound of their own voice or have a difficult time taking satisfying pictures of themselves.

Sometimes, the imaginative idea that you create about yourself may not match the actuality of your real presence. As a matter of fact, this is the basic concept surrounding the ego, the mental self image (Goldstein, 2008). Learning to release this invented self image is the authentic pathway to building confidence not based in arrogance and a strong sense of self worth. Looking to nature, there is vast abundance in diversity and originality that contribute to the workings of biological systems. There are thousands of bird species that each have their own particular niche in ecological communities that contribute to the prosperity of that ecological structure. It wouldn’t make any sense for a penguin to compare itself to a hummingbird when one is meant to fly underwater and bolster oceanic systems and one is meant to pollinate flowers that even bees are unable to.

Existing In Your Own Energy

Learning to exist in your own energy is a difficult task that requires deeply self generated courage and strength. Considering that you are born within a family and rely on those caregivers to survive and develop at the start of your life, being alone may seem frightening and even contradictory to your existence. In actuality, solitude is a skill that will teach you self reliance, self value, and strengthen your sense of confidence. Building your worthiness in self is an ongoing process that cannot depend on the confirmation of outside thoughts and opinions. In the silence of seclusion, you are able to identify and converge the aspects of yourself that compose the core foundation of your ideals and conscience (Weinstein, 2021). Is it this internal infrastructure that establishes you as a unique being, distinguishable from the billions of other human beings roaming planet Earth. Everyone faces insecurities at varying degrees for various reasons that those around you knowingly or unknowingly exacerbate based on their own perceptions of self.

Even though humans are naturally social beings, it is imperative to your personal development that you are able to be comfortable existing within your own universe. The craving for the validation of those outside of you is a prevailing hindrance to discovering and evolving your sense of self and individuality (Wiener, 1956). You should desire to be in the company of other people to enhance your universe and not to authenticate it. Social interactions based in the verification of self are disingenuous to both yourself and to those you interact with. Comfortability in solitude can actually result in the formation of honest and sincere relationships with those that you socialize with (Edamova, 2023). When you are certain of self and at peace in your own world, you become more selective with who you communicate with. You come to the realization that the preservation of your carefully crafted internal framework is more precious than the fleeting desire to gain favorable reactions from outside sources.

You Are the Most Important

Once you have learned to completely accept yourself and realize that you are fully capable of generating your own positivity, you arrive at an internal place where you can finally realize that you are the most important being in your universe. Developing a deep comprehension of self is an undertaking unventured by many as it requires inner reflection and processing uncomfortable thoughts and emotions. It is a form of life training that you can only accomplish through the willingness to be vulnerable and accountable within yourself. You are the only person that will ever experience your lived reality from your perspective (Dishon, 2017). Understanding this fact about yourself and everyone else in the world is both an extraordinary and humbling experience. In just the same way that others can only impose so much into your world, you also can only impose yourself into another’s world to a certain limitation.

At times, when you discover mechanisms that are shown to improve your experiences, you may desire to implement these systems into the lives of other people. However, no matter how much you have practiced and perfected a technique, it still may not be effective in the experiences of another person. Each individual is the main character of their own stage play and the author of their own book of life. Releasing notions of control over others and asserting dominion over yourself has the potential to lead us all to the attainment of our natural personal freedom. Like atoms, the way that humans bond with each other must be complimentary in order to preserve against environmental pressures. Navigating relationships, you also come to realize that experiencing rejection from others is actually a benefit to your reality and that shedding those who contradict the values of your universe is an improvement to your life (Schaan, 2020). Being that you are typically your own biggest judge, the most challenging and powerful love that you can cultivate is for your own self.

Acknowledging the Agency of Your Reality

You are the absolute architect of the reality that you choose to exist in. The paths that you forge are of your own making and you are the one that will exist in the outcome of those choices. Allowing notions of fear and inadequacy to overtake your decisions is a choice that will only hinder your lived experience. Intentions that are based in desperation or the desire to please those around you will result in actions that are destined to dissipate or be half hearted in execution. Allowing others to shape your world creates an inauthentic experience in life and prevents you from discovering your natural talents and abilities. From the beginning of your life, you are led and taught based on the previous experiences and past events lived by others. You can gain abundant knowledge and insight from those that have lived before you as well as those who live alongside you.

Knowing the knowledge of the world is useful for navigating through circumstances that depend on your intellectual and practical skills. It is also a useful point from which to challenge yourself and understand potential constraints based on your humanity and the state of society. However, this external information has limited pertinence in the matter of self comprehension. The answer to what truly motivates you to push forward everyday and the fuel that drives your passions and dreams can only be found through the exploration of self. Regardless of how much you may love another human, that human will never be able to live your life, and neither will you theirs. Detachment is at the root of truth, when you can observe objectively, you can then be fully immersed without drowning. It is the wisdom that you cultivate within that will ultimately provide you with the tools to master your life.

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